one else’s,I wish I’d paid attention in school then I thought our school was shite anyway even if I had listened, sure all they ever went on about was x plus y equals the sum of the square root and useless fucking bollocks like that, how was that going to prepare me for having a conversation with some wee honey from Sweden? No wonder the world thinks the Irish are a bunch of dumb Paddies only good for laying bricks and pushing wheelbarrows, sure the truth hurts we’re fucking dopey cunts next to some of these Europeans.
We went inside and sat down for a bit. She was still nervous, I couldn’t blame her looking at our sweaty gobs, but I calmed her down by going through her aul Lonely Planet and pointing out places I’d been and whether or not the guidebook was on the money or spouting a load of aul shite. When she asked me why I’d been on the road so long I told her the aul story about coming into some money after my parents were killed by the IRA and going off round the world to find myself. It was a load of bollocks of course and the first few times I said it to someone I nearly laughed when I got to the bit about finding myself but I was used to it by now and I knew it appealed to the women, look maybe it wasn’t that far from the truth after all I had loads of friends shot or blown into wee sticky pieces by those Provo cunts and I was learning more with every person I met in the Thailand so in for a penny like, sure the more you say something sometimes the truer it becomes.
Sigrid was dead smart, she was in the third year ofsome university course, environmental technology or something about how the planet was fucked up by us humans. She talked about it for a bit though I was lost most of the time until she started in about all the rubbish people dumped in the sea and that.
I’ve seen them do it, I says, it’s disgusting so it is, I don’t like that. I told her about this one time me and a couple of others went out in a boat to an island up north and the Thais bundled all our rubbish up into a plastic bag, the bottles and food wrappers and that, and turfed it over the side into the drink. I went mad so I did and told the cunt at the tiller to turn the boat around and pick it up. He just laughed and goes, what’s the big deal. Some fish will eat that and die, I says. So what, he goes. So what? I says, so don’t you cunts rely on fish for your dinner, what are you going to eat if the sea’s full of plastic?
That’s a huge problem, Sigrid goes.
Aye, I says, I couldn’t believe it here we are in paradise and they’re throwing aul bags into the water and spoiling it obviously I was leaving out all the cunts when I was speaking to her ‘cos I didn’t want to put her off of me. So next thing I slapped the Thai lad round the lugs, I says to her, lugs what’s that she goes and I says, ears, right ha ha that’s a funny word, anyway I says, he turned the boat round and went back and I took my shirt off and jumped in I thought he was going to drive off and leave me for a second but he was too feared. I grabbed the plastic bag and threw it back in the boat thenclimbed back in and says to him, don’t do that again, what’s wrong with you? He didn’t get it and I suppose he probably just threw the bag in the sea later on when I wasn’t looking but at least I tried, I says, sure it breaks your heart how they treat the place.
Good for you, she goes, if everyone did that maybe they’d think twice, the Irish are not big polluters like some of the other countries.
I don’t know about that, I says to her, you walk down the Shankill Road where I’m from and there’s all these chip wrappers whirling round in wee mini-tornadoes on the street corners, I’d skite any wee lad I saw throwing them down but what can you do people don’t listen unless it affects them.
It’s going to affect everybody that’s the problem, she goes, shaking her head and looking severe.
Well good on ye for taking an interest, I
We went inside and sat down for a bit. She was still nervous, I couldn’t blame her looking at our sweaty gobs, but I calmed her down by going through her aul Lonely Planet and pointing out places I’d been and whether or not the guidebook was on the money or spouting a load of aul shite. When she asked me why I’d been on the road so long I told her the aul story about coming into some money after my parents were killed by the IRA and going off round the world to find myself. It was a load of bollocks of course and the first few times I said it to someone I nearly laughed when I got to the bit about finding myself but I was used to it by now and I knew it appealed to the women, look maybe it wasn’t that far from the truth after all I had loads of friends shot or blown into wee sticky pieces by those Provo cunts and I was learning more with every person I met in the Thailand so in for a penny like, sure the more you say something sometimes the truer it becomes.
Sigrid was dead smart, she was in the third year ofsome university course, environmental technology or something about how the planet was fucked up by us humans. She talked about it for a bit though I was lost most of the time until she started in about all the rubbish people dumped in the sea and that.
I’ve seen them do it, I says, it’s disgusting so it is, I don’t like that. I told her about this one time me and a couple of others went out in a boat to an island up north and the Thais bundled all our rubbish up into a plastic bag, the bottles and food wrappers and that, and turfed it over the side into the drink. I went mad so I did and told the cunt at the tiller to turn the boat around and pick it up. He just laughed and goes, what’s the big deal. Some fish will eat that and die, I says. So what, he goes. So what? I says, so don’t you cunts rely on fish for your dinner, what are you going to eat if the sea’s full of plastic?
That’s a huge problem, Sigrid goes.
Aye, I says, I couldn’t believe it here we are in paradise and they’re throwing aul bags into the water and spoiling it obviously I was leaving out all the cunts when I was speaking to her ‘cos I didn’t want to put her off of me. So next thing I slapped the Thai lad round the lugs, I says to her, lugs what’s that she goes and I says, ears, right ha ha that’s a funny word, anyway I says, he turned the boat round and went back and I took my shirt off and jumped in I thought he was going to drive off and leave me for a second but he was too feared. I grabbed the plastic bag and threw it back in the boat thenclimbed back in and says to him, don’t do that again, what’s wrong with you? He didn’t get it and I suppose he probably just threw the bag in the sea later on when I wasn’t looking but at least I tried, I says, sure it breaks your heart how they treat the place.
Good for you, she goes, if everyone did that maybe they’d think twice, the Irish are not big polluters like some of the other countries.
I don’t know about that, I says to her, you walk down the Shankill Road where I’m from and there’s all these chip wrappers whirling round in wee mini-tornadoes on the street corners, I’d skite any wee lad I saw throwing them down but what can you do people don’t listen unless it affects them.
It’s going to affect everybody that’s the problem, she goes, shaking her head and looking severe.
Well good on ye for taking an interest, I
Similar Books
