Bumped by Megan McCafferty Page B

they’re BUMPING with some unaccredited”—he turns his head and sticks out his tongue—“ WORM .”
    Worm. That’s how Zen referred to himself yesterday.
    “I’m sorry,” Lib says with a sniff. “I’m just SO EMOTIONAL today. Becaaaaaaaaause . . .” He makes a strange choking noise, then covers his mouth with his hands as if he’s unsure whether he’s capable of delivering his message after all. Then he opens up his hands to make a megaphone. “YOU’RE GONNA GET BUMPED BY THE BEST MAN BRAND IN THE BUSINESS.”
    His words push me backward onto the couch, a sight that makes Lib cackle and clap with delight.
    “W-w-what?”
    “And you’re not gonna BELIEVE who it is. I still can’t believe it myself.”
    I can’t believe any of this.
    “I’ve got one word for you.” He closes his eyes, takes a breath, then says with reverential solemnity, “Jondoe.”
    This word means nothing to me but it means everything to Lib.
    “ARE YOU TERMINATED? BECAUSE I AM BEYOND TERMINATED.”
    I think I might be terminated and I don’t even know what he is talking about.
    “Jondoe,” Lib keeps saying to himself. “Jondoe. When the Mrs. finally convinced the Mr. to go commercial, I never dreamed their application would be approved by the all-time highest scorer on the Standards. Believe the hype! He’s got the fastest, strongest swimmers ever recorded!” Lib mops the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve. “He’s got a perfect five-star ranking among triple-platinum-level customers who have employed his services. Ash and Ty will TERMINATE when you tell them that!” Then Lib does his best to twist his frozen face into a look of exaggerated concern. “Oh, sweetie! You’re IN SHOCK.”
    This, I understand. I am in shock. She’s been waiting for this news for years. It certainly complicates my plans to get Melody to get married and live with me and Ram in faith and fellowship as all good and obedient Church girls should.
    Lib leans in and cups his mouth with one hand to share a secret, and I instinctively come closer to hear it.
    “I. EXIST. FOR. YOU,” he says. “I live for you and I die for you .”
    I object to such Christlike claims coming from a sinner’s mouth, but can’t raise my voice in protest.
    “You know to what great lengths I went to make sure your file was flawless ,” he says in an emphatic whisper. “I put my reputation on the line for you. I pulled strings . I called in favors . Let’s just put it this way, Miss Melody Mayflower, I earned my fifteen percent!” He wipes his immobile brow, sits back, and raises the volume. “And it worked! It’s a testament to all my hard work that Jondoe accepted the Jaydens’ bid. He’s very selective, he takes only a fraction of the offers that come along. You can tell Ash and Ty that getting into the number one college in the WORLD will be a no-brainer after Jondoe gets into you !”
    He cackles wildly.
    “I cannot thank you enough for all your efforts in keeping your EYES on the PURITY PRIZE.” He traces an imaginary line from my neck to my ankles. “Never in my wildest dreams did I think that you would have the opportunity to bump with Jondoe.” His eyes are tearing up, the only visible sign on his face that he’s overcome with emotion. “From what we’ve all seen and heard about Jondoe, he’ll be WORTH EVERY MICROSECOND of frustrated restraint. . . .” He rubs his palms together with relish.
    My sister is still chaste. It’s not too late to protect that gift of purity, but I need to intervene right now, to tell Lib that I will endure fire raining down from Heaven before I will allow my sister to prostitute herself for procreation and profit. The best investment she can make is in God. If only Lib devoted as much time and energy into glorifying the Lord as he put into his immoral business, he too would be saved.
    “I can see your heart pounding!”
    I clutch my chest to feel what Lib can see. This is my chance to find my voice. To tell