contemplation one minute and whispered malicious gossip the next. I felt closer to God on that road than I ever have here, Lili thought.
Say it. Tell her.
She bowed her head and shut her eyes, hearing Maman’s words again. Whenever you listen to your own heart, think twice before speaking your mind. “Oui, Sister Jeanne-Bertrand,” she murmured before falling silent and letting the nun lead her down the hall to the abbess.
WITHIN AN HOUR Lili had been banished to a tiny basement room, furnished with a rickety cot, a low stool, and a chamber pot that stank from years of poor cleaning. The room had been permanently darkened by a heavy curtain drawn across the only source of light, a high window just above ground level. A painted crucifix with an agonized Jesus, dripping blood from his crown of thorns, hung on the far wall at an angle that made him appear to be looking right at Lili as he died for her sins. Unnerved, she stepped away from his gaze.
Sister Jeanne-Bertrand placed a single lit candle on the stool and handed Lili a catechism. “As the abbess said, you will receive nothing to eat until you have memorized ‘The Means of Sanctifying Study’ and recited it to her satisfaction. I will come back in a few hours to check on your progress. You should be able to master the first part by then.”
“How long will I be here?” Lili’s voice trembled.
“Until you have been rescued from error,” the nun replied. A chill went down Lili’s spine. Sister Jeanne-Bertrand stood at the door, brandishing a large iron key. “It’s up to you,” she said, locking the door behind her.
The air compressed. I’m completely alone, Lili realized. Not even Delphine knows where I am. So far Lili had managed to keep back most of her tears, but now she sobbed so deeply her stomach convulsed. She lay down on the bed and shut her eyes, thinking that if she could sleep, she could forget where she was.
How could life turn around so suddenly? Just a few hours before, she had sensed the holy light of the world, and now, in the name of God, that light was reduced to a thin ray seeping below the curtain onto the gray wall. She was hurt and imprisoned, and no one knew—at least no one who would care.
She shivered. Every one of her thoughts frightened her. Best to get away from them by beginning her penance. She stood up and moved the candle closer to the bed, trying not to think about Jesus hanging above her, watching. “Sanctifying Study,” she murmured, leafing through the pages until she found her assignment. “As your studies are now among your chief duties, it is of great importance that you sanctify them by directing them to the glory of God and your own spiritual advantage,” the text read. On and on it went. “Godly pursuits … spiritual treasure … divine mercy. Your thoughts are bad. Your soul is in peril. Read, and save yourself.”
Lili took in the words for a moment and then, keeping her finger on the page, she closed the book over it. “As your studies are now among your chief duties, it is of great importance that you sanctifythem by directing them to the glory of God and your own spiritual advantage,” she recited from memory. Reopening the book, she checked the text and found she had remembered it perfectly.
“To sanctify your studies you should observe three things. First, you should view them as next in importance to your spiritual duties. Submitting to the will of God, obeying your parents, and doing justice to your own God-given soul require that you do all you can to acquire useful knowledge, which, next to virtue, is your most valuable possession.” Useful knowledge? Lili thought back to the world she had glimpsed that morning. I can make more use of what I saw in that field. “Wasting time and laziness are very serious faults,” she read on.
Wasting time? That’s what this is. She put the book down but picked it up again after a moment. “It’s not a waste if it buys my way out of here,”
Say it. Tell her.
She bowed her head and shut her eyes, hearing Maman’s words again. Whenever you listen to your own heart, think twice before speaking your mind. “Oui, Sister Jeanne-Bertrand,” she murmured before falling silent and letting the nun lead her down the hall to the abbess.
WITHIN AN HOUR Lili had been banished to a tiny basement room, furnished with a rickety cot, a low stool, and a chamber pot that stank from years of poor cleaning. The room had been permanently darkened by a heavy curtain drawn across the only source of light, a high window just above ground level. A painted crucifix with an agonized Jesus, dripping blood from his crown of thorns, hung on the far wall at an angle that made him appear to be looking right at Lili as he died for her sins. Unnerved, she stepped away from his gaze.
Sister Jeanne-Bertrand placed a single lit candle on the stool and handed Lili a catechism. “As the abbess said, you will receive nothing to eat until you have memorized ‘The Means of Sanctifying Study’ and recited it to her satisfaction. I will come back in a few hours to check on your progress. You should be able to master the first part by then.”
“How long will I be here?” Lili’s voice trembled.
“Until you have been rescued from error,” the nun replied. A chill went down Lili’s spine. Sister Jeanne-Bertrand stood at the door, brandishing a large iron key. “It’s up to you,” she said, locking the door behind her.
The air compressed. I’m completely alone, Lili realized. Not even Delphine knows where I am. So far Lili had managed to keep back most of her tears, but now she sobbed so deeply her stomach convulsed. She lay down on the bed and shut her eyes, thinking that if she could sleep, she could forget where she was.
How could life turn around so suddenly? Just a few hours before, she had sensed the holy light of the world, and now, in the name of God, that light was reduced to a thin ray seeping below the curtain onto the gray wall. She was hurt and imprisoned, and no one knew—at least no one who would care.
She shivered. Every one of her thoughts frightened her. Best to get away from them by beginning her penance. She stood up and moved the candle closer to the bed, trying not to think about Jesus hanging above her, watching. “Sanctifying Study,” she murmured, leafing through the pages until she found her assignment. “As your studies are now among your chief duties, it is of great importance that you sanctify them by directing them to the glory of God and your own spiritual advantage,” the text read. On and on it went. “Godly pursuits … spiritual treasure … divine mercy. Your thoughts are bad. Your soul is in peril. Read, and save yourself.”
Lili took in the words for a moment and then, keeping her finger on the page, she closed the book over it. “As your studies are now among your chief duties, it is of great importance that you sanctifythem by directing them to the glory of God and your own spiritual advantage,” she recited from memory. Reopening the book, she checked the text and found she had remembered it perfectly.
“To sanctify your studies you should observe three things. First, you should view them as next in importance to your spiritual duties. Submitting to the will of God, obeying your parents, and doing justice to your own God-given soul require that you do all you can to acquire useful knowledge, which, next to virtue, is your most valuable possession.” Useful knowledge? Lili thought back to the world she had glimpsed that morning. I can make more use of what I saw in that field. “Wasting time and laziness are very serious faults,” she read on.
Wasting time? That’s what this is. She put the book down but picked it up again after a moment. “It’s not a waste if it buys my way out of here,”
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