was right. But that's not why I
had bought it. I was just using it as a pretext to drop by.
“This isn't really a present. I
bought it for you when we were still together, with your money. I was going to
give it to you for Christmas. You may as well have it since you paid for it.”
She hesitated for a minute and then
took the package. I didn't want to stay around and push my luck, so I started
to back away.
“It was good to see you. I gotta go
walk this guy. Call me anytime,” I said, trying to look calm.
“Thanks,” she said and shut the
door.
I got into the car. I could see her
watching me from the window as I drove away. She must have been wondering why I
had a sweet Mercedes now.
16
I picked up tacos and headed over to
Dennis' place. My dad was playing chess again, although I knew he had been
sculpting also because there were little chocolate shavings all over the coffee
table. I wiped those up and we ate lunch.
My dad was doing better, so I
decided to ask him to walk the poodle—not because the poodle needed walking,
but because I thought it would do him some good to get out and stretch his legs
a little.
I went upstairs and opened Dennis'
investigator closet. I took out the boxes and started looking through them. He
had all sorts of cool stuff. In one box he had a bunch of different sized
binoculars and spotting scopes. In another box he had a microphone that looked
like it had a little satellite dish behind it. I turned it on and plugged some
earphones into it and then aimed it out the window. There was a woman pushing a
stroller down the sidewalk. She was talking on the phone, so I pointed the
microphone at her. The sound exploded in my ears and made me half deaf, so I
turned the volume down.
“...so I told him that if he wanted
to change places with me, he'd see how 'easy' it was to stay home all day,” she
said. She waited for the other person to finish talking and then continued. “Oh
no, you think I was serious? I'm a baby machine now. No way am I going back to
cutting hair.” She stopped pushing, walked around to the front of the stroller
and started to bend over. I rushed over to the box and picked up the spotting
scope, as any good man would have done. I took off the lens protectors and
aimed it in her direction. I tried to focus the thing, but it wasn't easy.
After a minute or two, a clear image of the eye of a lawn flamingo came into
view. I lowered the scope and looked out the window, but she was gone.
I decided to practice using all the
equipment so that I wouldn't have any difficulty using it on Gertie Elliot once
I found her. I got pretty good with the spotting scope, but for anything that
wasn't really far away, it wasn't the right choice. Then I took out the
binoculars and started scanning the neighborhood. After a while I saw my dad
coming down the street. I followed him around as he and the big poodle went
from yard to yard. Two houses down, Ballsack pulled my dad over to a
real-estate sign and started sniffing away. Then he cocked his leg up and peed
all over the agent's picture.
And then I couldn't believe my eyes.
I took out the spotting scope and zoomed in on the picture of the real-estate agent.
She looked to be around sixty years old. Her red hair was all done up in curls
that made her look like she was from the 50's. She had the fakest smile you can
imagine, and since I was zoomed in tight on it, I could see that she had
yellowish teeth and upper-lip hair that got darker as it moved out to the
corners of her mouth. It was one of those poses where the photographer tells
you to turn away from the camera with your body, but to look directly at the
lens. But the part that was the most interesting to me was written to the left
of the picture. I moved my scope slowly from left to right over the words
“Gertie Elliot: I just do one thing. And I do it right.” Spieldburt’s lover was
a real-estate agent. I’d probably walked by that sign several times without
even
had bought it. I was just using it as a pretext to drop by.
“This isn't really a present. I
bought it for you when we were still together, with your money. I was going to
give it to you for Christmas. You may as well have it since you paid for it.”
She hesitated for a minute and then
took the package. I didn't want to stay around and push my luck, so I started
to back away.
“It was good to see you. I gotta go
walk this guy. Call me anytime,” I said, trying to look calm.
“Thanks,” she said and shut the
door.
I got into the car. I could see her
watching me from the window as I drove away. She must have been wondering why I
had a sweet Mercedes now.
16
I picked up tacos and headed over to
Dennis' place. My dad was playing chess again, although I knew he had been
sculpting also because there were little chocolate shavings all over the coffee
table. I wiped those up and we ate lunch.
My dad was doing better, so I
decided to ask him to walk the poodle—not because the poodle needed walking,
but because I thought it would do him some good to get out and stretch his legs
a little.
I went upstairs and opened Dennis'
investigator closet. I took out the boxes and started looking through them. He
had all sorts of cool stuff. In one box he had a bunch of different sized
binoculars and spotting scopes. In another box he had a microphone that looked
like it had a little satellite dish behind it. I turned it on and plugged some
earphones into it and then aimed it out the window. There was a woman pushing a
stroller down the sidewalk. She was talking on the phone, so I pointed the
microphone at her. The sound exploded in my ears and made me half deaf, so I
turned the volume down.
“...so I told him that if he wanted
to change places with me, he'd see how 'easy' it was to stay home all day,” she
said. She waited for the other person to finish talking and then continued. “Oh
no, you think I was serious? I'm a baby machine now. No way am I going back to
cutting hair.” She stopped pushing, walked around to the front of the stroller
and started to bend over. I rushed over to the box and picked up the spotting
scope, as any good man would have done. I took off the lens protectors and
aimed it in her direction. I tried to focus the thing, but it wasn't easy.
After a minute or two, a clear image of the eye of a lawn flamingo came into
view. I lowered the scope and looked out the window, but she was gone.
I decided to practice using all the
equipment so that I wouldn't have any difficulty using it on Gertie Elliot once
I found her. I got pretty good with the spotting scope, but for anything that
wasn't really far away, it wasn't the right choice. Then I took out the
binoculars and started scanning the neighborhood. After a while I saw my dad
coming down the street. I followed him around as he and the big poodle went
from yard to yard. Two houses down, Ballsack pulled my dad over to a
real-estate sign and started sniffing away. Then he cocked his leg up and peed
all over the agent's picture.
And then I couldn't believe my eyes.
I took out the spotting scope and zoomed in on the picture of the real-estate agent.
She looked to be around sixty years old. Her red hair was all done up in curls
that made her look like she was from the 50's. She had the fakest smile you can
imagine, and since I was zoomed in tight on it, I could see that she had
yellowish teeth and upper-lip hair that got darker as it moved out to the
corners of her mouth. It was one of those poses where the photographer tells
you to turn away from the camera with your body, but to look directly at the
lens. But the part that was the most interesting to me was written to the left
of the picture. I moved my scope slowly from left to right over the words
“Gertie Elliot: I just do one thing. And I do it right.” Spieldburt’s lover was
a real-estate agent. I’d probably walked by that sign several times without
even
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