verboten and no one was to ever bring it up again. And that was that. It sent a clear message to Bush that he could just keep doing what he’d been doing for the first six years. The result? That’s exactly what he did, with Congress authorizing every war funding bill he sent to them. How did the American people respond? Congress’s approval rating sank
lower
than Bush’s. How disgusting do you have to be to sink lower in the public’s eyes than a man who can’t even successfully choke himself on a pretzel?
So when you hear Democrats and liberals and Obama supporters say they are worried that McCain has a good chance of winning, they ain’t a kidding. Who would know better than the very people who have handed the Republicans one election after another on a silver platter? Yes, be afraid, be very afraid.
After the debacles of Iraq, Katrina, gas prices, home foreclosures, our standing in the world, the failure to capture bin Laden, and revealing the identity of a CIA agent in an act of revenge, it would seem that Barack Obama should be on a cakewalk to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The man should be able to sleep his way through the rest of the campaign season.
Ha! Think again. How many Democrats does it take to lose the most easily winnable election in American history? Not many. Just a few “close advisors” to Barack Obama who tell him a bunch of asinine stuff and he ends up listening to them instead of his own heart. As the party hacks in the past two elections have proven, once they get the candidate’s ear, the rest of us might just as well order pizza and stay inside the next four years.
In an effort to help the party doofuses and pundits—and the candidate himself—spare all of us another suicide-inducing election night as the results giving the election to the Republican pour in, here is the blueprint from the Democrats’ past losing campaigns. Just follow each of these steps and you, the Democratic Party establishment, can help elect John Sidney McCain III to a four-year extension of the Bush Era.
What the Democrats Can Do to Get McCain Elected:
1. Keep saying nice things about McCain.
Like how he’s been “good on global warming” and campaign finance. Keep reminding a country at war that he and he alone is a war hero. Not to mention just an all-around good guy. Say that enough, and you know what happens? The same thing that happens when you repeat over and over “Apply directly to the forehead . . . Apply directly to the forehead . . .”—people start to believe it! You’ve sold them on the idea that McCain isn’t a bad egg, and they do NOT hear the rest of what you have to say:
“But John McCain is four more years of George W. Bush.”
If you keep saying he used to be a “maverick,” our less-attention-span citizens only hear the “maverick” part, not the past tense verb included in that sentence.
This is not to say that you should in any way demean John McCain as a human being or as an American. Disagreeing strongly with his policies or the direction he would lead the country is not the same as denigrating him as a person. This particular style of politics is the cesspool that the Right and the Republican Party apparatus swim in. We do not further our agenda by imitating them. Fight, fight back, and fight hard—but fight clean. It’s ultimately what I believe the majority of Americans would like to see.
There is also nothing wrong with saying nice things about McCain’s
constituency,
and you should. We want to hold our hand out to people who have voted for Republicans in the past. Many of them are tired, a good number are disgusted. They won’t agree with a lot of what we stand for, but they’ve had it up to here with the Republicans and we should make sure our tent is big enough to welcome them in.
So if you want to help elect McCain, keep blessing him as if he were the white knight who accidentally hopped on the wrong horse. Forget to continually point out that he is truly up
lower
than Bush’s. How disgusting do you have to be to sink lower in the public’s eyes than a man who can’t even successfully choke himself on a pretzel?
So when you hear Democrats and liberals and Obama supporters say they are worried that McCain has a good chance of winning, they ain’t a kidding. Who would know better than the very people who have handed the Republicans one election after another on a silver platter? Yes, be afraid, be very afraid.
After the debacles of Iraq, Katrina, gas prices, home foreclosures, our standing in the world, the failure to capture bin Laden, and revealing the identity of a CIA agent in an act of revenge, it would seem that Barack Obama should be on a cakewalk to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The man should be able to sleep his way through the rest of the campaign season.
Ha! Think again. How many Democrats does it take to lose the most easily winnable election in American history? Not many. Just a few “close advisors” to Barack Obama who tell him a bunch of asinine stuff and he ends up listening to them instead of his own heart. As the party hacks in the past two elections have proven, once they get the candidate’s ear, the rest of us might just as well order pizza and stay inside the next four years.
In an effort to help the party doofuses and pundits—and the candidate himself—spare all of us another suicide-inducing election night as the results giving the election to the Republican pour in, here is the blueprint from the Democrats’ past losing campaigns. Just follow each of these steps and you, the Democratic Party establishment, can help elect John Sidney McCain III to a four-year extension of the Bush Era.
What the Democrats Can Do to Get McCain Elected:
1. Keep saying nice things about McCain.
Like how he’s been “good on global warming” and campaign finance. Keep reminding a country at war that he and he alone is a war hero. Not to mention just an all-around good guy. Say that enough, and you know what happens? The same thing that happens when you repeat over and over “Apply directly to the forehead . . . Apply directly to the forehead . . .”—people start to believe it! You’ve sold them on the idea that McCain isn’t a bad egg, and they do NOT hear the rest of what you have to say:
“But John McCain is four more years of George W. Bush.”
If you keep saying he used to be a “maverick,” our less-attention-span citizens only hear the “maverick” part, not the past tense verb included in that sentence.
This is not to say that you should in any way demean John McCain as a human being or as an American. Disagreeing strongly with his policies or the direction he would lead the country is not the same as denigrating him as a person. This particular style of politics is the cesspool that the Right and the Republican Party apparatus swim in. We do not further our agenda by imitating them. Fight, fight back, and fight hard—but fight clean. It’s ultimately what I believe the majority of Americans would like to see.
There is also nothing wrong with saying nice things about McCain’s
constituency,
and you should. We want to hold our hand out to people who have voted for Republicans in the past. Many of them are tired, a good number are disgusted. They won’t agree with a lot of what we stand for, but they’ve had it up to here with the Republicans and we should make sure our tent is big enough to welcome them in.
So if you want to help elect McCain, keep blessing him as if he were the white knight who accidentally hopped on the wrong horse. Forget to continually point out that he is truly up
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