Rising Tides by Maria Rachel Hooley

For some reason, it felt as though I hadn’t slept at all.  My whole body ached with the stillness and even moving didn’t seem to help.  I lay in darkness and had almost fallen back into the cavernous black of slumber when the bathroom door opened and light stole into the room.  I closed my eyes, trying to shut it out.
    “Kel, are you awake?”  His steps quickened as he walked to the bed and sat down next to me.  “Are you feeling okay, hon?  Have you got a headache?”  He reached over and turned on the lamp.  As it came on, I flinched.  Gary reached down and touched my face, brushing my bangs back.  “Sweetheart?  Is there anything you want me to get for you?”
    “I’m fine, Gary.”  I rubbed my eyes, wiping the sleep from the corners.  My voice sounded deep and scratchy.
    My husband patted my hand and stood.  “Then you’d better get up or we’ll miss this flight.  I know how much you just love to pack.”  He walked to the closet and began pulling his clothes from the hangers and folding them in his suitcase.  “Just about as much as I do.”
    “I’m not ready to leave.”  I sat up and stared at his open suitcase,   the same one we’d picked out together.  Now he would be using it by himself.  Or with Debra.   Strands of hair fell into my eyes, and I pushed them behind an ear. With a short-sleeved cotton nightgown, the room felt chilly, and I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, telling myself I was cold, not frightened.
    Gary chuckled.  “I know you just love this hotel room, but personally I think home is much better.”  He peered out of the closet.  “So get out of bed, lazy butt, so we can fly home.”
    “I’m serious.”  I traced a rose on the patterned comforter before I stood.  “I’m not going.  I’m staying here.”  I glanced at the nightstand and saw the conch where I’d placed it the night before.  The shell sat next to the pearl earrings Gary had given me.
    He walked over to the suitcase and dropped the white shirt he’d been holding on top of the pile.  Once his hands were empty, he folded his arms across his chest.  “What are you saying?  You want us to spend more time here?  Like a vacation or something?”
    “No.  I want you and Debra to go back home while I stay here.”
    Gary’s shoulders stiffened, and his eyes opened slightly wider in amazement.  “You are kidding, right?”  He picked up a silk tie that had fallen to the floor and clutched it tightly in both hands.
    “No.”  I walked to the sink and brushed my teeth.
    “This is crazy.”  Gary placed his hands on his hips, threading his fingers through the belt loops on his jeans.  “What about the headaches?  Jeez.  You can’t exactly control them.  Kel, are you listening to yourself?  You need somebody to help you.”
    “I’m not an invalid, Gary. Maybe I will be in the future, but not now.  There’s nothing I can do about the headaches, but that doesn’t mean I should live in fear.  Besides, there’s nothing certain in life.”  I wiped my mouth and carried the towel with me as I turned to face him.  “If I were to walk across the street and get hit by some drunk driver, could I control that?”
    “That’s not the same thing.”  Gary placed his hands on my shoulders.
    I nodded.  “You’re right.  That would be easier because you’d never see it coming.  You’d never have to prepare for it.  One day I’d be here, and the next I’d be gone.  This way, I’m  fading into nothing.”
    He inhaled sharply, as though I’d just punched him in the stomach.   His thumbs rubbed across my skin.    “I don’t know where this is coming from.  Or why.  I just can’t leave you up here by yourself.  I mean, you’re sick, for God’s sake.”  His fingers dug into my skin, but I didn’t think he knew just how hard he was holding onto me.
    I grabbed one of his wrists, pulling it away from me.  “No, Gary.  I’m not sick.  I’m dying.