Love Virtually by Daniel Glattauer

of this older brother and younger sister might be.
    Fifty minutes later
    Re: Most puzzling
    Leo, hello, where are you? Are you trying to keep me in suspense?
    Eight minutes later
    Re: Most puzzling
    I see my sister Adrienne a lot. We’re very close. We tell each other everything. So, dear Emmi, that was a giant clue. You’ll have to work the rest out for yourself. So were you one of my three “Emmis”?
    Forty seconds later
    Re: Most puzzling
    That’s cryptic, Leo! Please give me ONE more hint! And then I’ll tell you.
    Thirty seconds later
    Re: Most puzzling
    Why don’t you ask me what my sister looks like?
    Thirty-five seconds later
    Re: Most puzzling
    What does your sister look like?
    Twenty-five seconds later
    Re: Most puzzling
    She’s tall and blond.
    Thirty seconds later
    Re: Most puzzling
    O.K., that’s nice, whatever, I give up!
    Dear Leo, language psychologist, people watcher: I AM ONE OF THOSE THREE. But from the way you describe them, these three women with apparently the same shoe size could hardly be more different. I’m amazed you could find all three attractive and interesting-looking at the same time. But that’s men for you.
    I hope you have a pleasant evening. I’m going to take a Leo-break. It’s about time I turned to other more essential matters.
    Bye-bye,
    Emmi
    An hour later
    Re: Most puzzling
    Just then you were totally Ur-Emmi, number one.
    Five hours later
    Re: Most puzzling
    My sister is a model.
    Good night.
    The next day
    Subject: !!!!!!
    NO WAY!
    Forty-five seconds later
    Re: !!!!!!
    Oh yes.
    Forty seconds later
    Re: !!!!!!
    That long-legged blond angel-vamp model?
    Twenty-five seconds later
    Re: !!!!!!
    That’s my sister!
    Three minutes later
    Re: !!!!!!
    So you were the guy holding her hand, looking into her eyes so lovingly!
    One minute later
    Re: !!!!!!
    That was just a cover. She spent the whole time looking at women and describing all the potential Emmis in minute detail.
    Forty seconds later
    Re: !!!!!!
    Shit, now I can’t remember what you look like! I glanced at you only very briefly.
    Fifteen minutes later
    Re: !!!!!!
    At least I’ve salvaged the honor of all the men in the café that afternoon. How did you describe me? “The only interesting-looking guy, standing with one of those leggy blond angel-vamp model types at the bar.” I’m going to print that out and frame it!
    Ten minutes later
    Re: !!!!!!
    I wouldn’t get too excited, sweetheart. Basically, all I saw was that extremely beautiful, rather cool blond. And I thought to myself: anyone who’s with a woman like that must be an interesting guy. All I know about you is that you’re fairly tall, fairly slim, fairly young, fairly well dressed. And as far as I remember you also have a fair supply of hair and teeth. The thing that really struck me was the expression on the face of your supposed lover, your sister. She was looking at you as you would only look at someone you love and cherish deeply. But maybe it was just an act, to put Emmi Rothner off the scent. I have to say that was a highly intelligent ploy, to turn up there with your sister. I’m glad you talk to her about me. It makes me feel good. I think you’re all right, Leo! (And I’m ecstatic that you’re not the hairy beast, nor anyone else from Café Huber’s cabinet of horrors.)
    Half an hour later
    Re: !!!!!!
    And I don’t have a clue what you look like either, my dear. I spent the whole time standing with my back to the Emmi candidates Adrienne had picked out. She described the women to me from “a woman’s perspective,” hence all the fashion details. I didn’t see anything with my own eyes.
    One hour later
    Re: !!!!!!
    Just one more question before we conclude our clever little game: which “Emmi” did your sister like the most, or which did she think I was?
    Ten minutes later
    Re: !!!!!!
    She said about one of them, “That